Temple’s Law
William Temple
No body should make love after forty nor bee in business after fifety.
Woollcott’s Law
Alexander Woollcott
Anything good is either immoral, illegal or fattening.
Algren’s Laws
Nelson Algren
Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.
Beerbohm’s First Law
Max Beerbohm
Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.
Chamberlain’s Law
Jefferey F. Chamberlain
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Gove’s Law of Canapés
Michael Gove
Food consumed standing up always has ten times the caalorific intake of food consumed sitting down.
Martin’s Law
Dean Martin
You’re not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on.
The Art of Blind Reviewing
Editor
News that Robin Goldstein’s fake Italian Restaurant - Osteria L’Intrepido - won an ‘Award of Excellence’ from Wine Spectator magazine, despite being completely imaginary, has put a spring in the step of hoaxers everywhere. The magazine has, with astonishing chutzpah, described the hoax as “an act of malicious duplicity”, overlooking its own duplicity in recommending a restaurant to its readers which it had not properly evaluated. Click here for more on Goldstein’s hoax, and for his book, here.
In The Times, Ben Macintrye draws parallels between the magazine’s restaurant reviewing practices and book reviewing, where it has, apparently, never been seen as a requirement that reviewers actually read the book.
The ECJ’s Law of Biscuits and Cakes
Anon
A biscuit takes up moisture when it goes stale and becomes limp; a cake loses moisture and becomes hard.
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