The only things that start on time are those that you’re late for.

Law in full 

The other line moves faster.

Law in full 

1. When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

2. The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

Law in full 

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Law in full 

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre.

Law in full 

When you need towns, they are very far apart.

Law in full 

1. The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.

2. Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

3. The weight of your rucksack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food the rucksack weight goes on increasing anyway.

4. The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

5. The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

6. The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

7. The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.

8. The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.

9. When you arrive at your campsite it is full.

10. If you take your boots off you’ll never get them back on again.

11. The local density of mosquitoes is inversely proportional to the amount of your remaining insect repellent.

Law in full 

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Law in full 

Undertakers love overtakers.

Law in full 

When the plane you are on is late, the plan you want to transfer to is on time.

Law in full